The Alt-Right’s Panic and Our LULZ at Their Idiocy

To be clear, I do not necessarily have any issue with those famous fourteen words: “We must secure the existence of our people and a future for [white children].” After all, every race is entitled to strive for its future, is it not? That is a precept of evolution by natural selection: Survive and strive. Though when in the hands of ethnostate-pushing race-based nationalists, the phrase takes on a more perverse connotation. These prejudiced peons are not after simply the preservation of their own race; it is at the direct expense of other races. Because to secure the existence of those white children, the racist segment of the alt-right movement wants to banish from its supposed lands all other races.

Why is this something at which people should laugh? Racism is not funny. But hypocrisy is. Well, more punctiliously, idiocy is. You see, for all the pseudo-wisdom loosed from the slack-jawed simpletons of the racist right, none seem to grasp the most obvious point of the entire discussion. White people are not pure. As I white man myself, whose DNA is comprised of mostly Irish and southern European Caucasoid ancestry, I feel no sense of betrayal in stating what is scientifically accurate. Whites, as we know them (Europid Caucasoid peoples), are not purebred peoples; we’re mongrels.

So when, say, Johnny Butthurt goes on his nightly spiel about hating mudsharks, disavowing whites who like rap, and needing to keep the race “pure,” I cannot help but to burst with huge belly-driven laughter at his face when he learns that white people only became white people because we mixed races. It is something they will deny to their dying breaths, but it is scientifically accurate. White people are mixed-race people. We did not spring from the ground with white skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. Sorry, Hitler, but we didn’t.

In fact, this might shock a few people, but “white” people were not actually even a thing until around 8,000 years ago. Before then, the subspecies (race) that would become Caucasoid was most likely what we see with modern Middle Easterners today: Brown, hairy and built for the sun. Though as food sources became scarcer, and nomadic tribes had to break to survive, some groups headed toward the Caucus mountains, where many consecutive generations without sun dictated that lighter skin, able to convert more vitamin D with less of a source (sunburns for all!), was evolutionary advantageous. Along the way—and they’ll love this part!—we even bred with Neanderthals, our cousins. In fact, the overwhelming majority of Caucasian people have upwards of 3% Neanderthal DNA in their genome right now, and it does not go away just because your waifu is a natty blonde.

So, put that in your pipe and smoke it, you weird bastards. Not only did pre-white humans interbreed with other races to become what we know of as white today, but also with other subspecies that were literally less than human.

Some may actually accept this information yet make the argument, basically, “Okay, but what about now? No matter how whites got here, we’re a race now and thus need to preserve our race by not interbreeding and not giving our lands up to other races!” They’d be adamant about this, of course, while still wholly ignorant to how evolution works. So let us toy with a thought experiment. Let us pretend Richard Spencer and his ilk become the bad guys from The Warriors, and no one else is allowed out to play. So, the United States of America is all white, all the time, and white people breed and breed among themselves like rabbits on an all oyster diet. Do you know what will happen? We will turn brown! In this particular part of the world, in this climate, white people will inevitably become what the racist right so affectionately refer to as “redskins.” That’s right; Native Americans! They were not that hue when they crossed the land bridge all those thousands of years ago. They evolved into that skin tone because that is our natural climate at this geographic position. So in a few hundred years, those “huwhyte” people will start to look more like Tan Mom. It is the way the world works, people.

The point of this is that races are fluid, and always have been. Unless you’re locking away DNA in a cryovac tube to repopulate the planet after the meteor hits, then it’s pretty pointless with this race preservation talk. So long as we human beings live out in the open climate, with a drive to procreate, races will merge, form and die out. It is inevitable.

What these people should focus on is the preservation of culture, of cooperative behavior, of a better society with more morality. Because—and I hate to break this to them—those are the only things that can actually be preserved. Natural selection is a universal principle; it is the mechanism by which evolution operates. It does not turn off just because some people suddenly want to arbitrarily assign a “purity” label to one race and want to keep it frozen in time. It will not freeze; it will not stay. Races are bad dogs. They roam where they want, when they want, and no amount of SJW-like poutrage will change that.


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