Month: August 2017

Abortion Policy: Can We Ever Solve This Problem?

Look, I’m a straight male with no kids, so to read my opinions on abortion might not be something you thought you’d do on your regularly scheduled weekday. But like most people with a mind capable of independent thought, I have my feels and things on abortion.

For starters, it really ticks me off that even the way in which we frame the sides of the debate is wholly inaccurate. Proof: The people who are pro-choice do not approve at all of the pro-life people. Hey! I thought you were pro-choice!? Being for life is a choice, is it not? So, already we have a lie, some muddy waters, before we even gallop out the gate. The pro-choice side is quite literally pro-abortion, just afraid to say so because the term “baby killers” would definitely stick and stay.

What about that term, “baby killers”? Is it fitting? Is a fetus a baby? Are the cells a baby? Biology dictates that these are living cells, so that it’s life, even from the microsecond of conception, is objectively true. The term “baby” is another area where things get muddied up. You can say whatever you want. After all, a toddler is not an adult; though it is a living organism with the potential to become one. So, at some point, we have to be honest and look at what these cells become, not what they are at the time of their potential destruction. When looking at it through that lens, we’re looking to shit and sleigh-ride in it. Because what if the argument is that “person-hood” isn’t viable until which point a baby can speak, or write its name, or pass some other arbitrary measure? Again with biology, I’m sorry, but we are dealing with life here. Which begs an unrelated question: Are there any vegan pro-choicers? And if so, aren’t they incredibly immoral and evil people?

I swear I don’t want to drag this out too far, but I feel we must establish some baselines if we’re to speak honestly about this topic. So far, I think it’s pretty clear we have established that the two sides are pro-life and pro-abortion, and that whatever’s in the womb is actual life. Don’t have to take my word for it; look up what “life” is.

In the same vein, we can say objectively that a fetus/baby/clump-o-cells is not a parasite. Why is it not a parasite? Not to trigger the pro-abortion crowd, but if it were a parasite, we would have classified it as such. I mean, we’ve only had since the dawn of mankind to do so. The same species, symbiosis; pregnancy is not parasitism, sorry to break it to you.

Rough segue into policy: Nobody needs the refresher course here on abortion availability or legality. It’s nasty business, even if you are pro-abortion. The pro-lifers insist no abortions should be granted, and the pro-abortion lot preach that a woman has every right to do away with whatever’s growing inside of her. I fall somewhere in the middle. And so I’ll propose my policy idea:

Up until the third trimester of pregnancy, any woman seeking an abortion can have one…if they pay the fee of $50,000. That’s what they should cost, at a minimum. Oh, I know, I can hear the pro-abortion people screaming in my ear already: “But the idea is to have free and easy access to abortion, asshole! It’s a human right!” Okay. Being a human is a human right also, is it not? And humans have a right not to be snuffed out arbitrarily because someone decided, after the fact and after conception, that being a mother wasn’t a good lifestyle choice.

not a real feminist

Well, at least the ten day old baby has a cape. Sort of. #Superhero

Let’s not kid ourselves. Having affordable or free and easy access to abortions is just another form of birth control, and thus we find women have abortion—kids sometimes have abortions!—just as a birth control measure. No lives being threatened. Just an inconvenience that’s snuffed out, to spite the baby, on the whims of the women carrying the life.

What $50,000 does, in my opinion, is two things:

1: It still gives access to legal abortions, nationwide, so no one can say—or at least be honest in saying—that women’s rights to their own bodies are being trampled upon. All of the pro-abortion people get exactly what they want: Nationwide legal abortion, no President Trump reversal of Roe V Wadeparanoia – just abortion when you want an abortion, given that it’s not late-term (i.e. a viable fetus).

2: It finally preaches some responsibility! Look, in the western nations of the globe, we have infantalized women (ironically enough for this discussion) to the point where they are never, ever, in a million years, to blame for anything that ever happens to them, even if they are the direct cause of it happening. This has got to stop! Unless we are talking about cases of rape, for which exceptions to this theoretical policy could be made, the woman consents to having sexual intercourse with the man. And please shut up with this “two to tango” nonsense. A) Women have far more birth control options than men! Men have condoms, or getting snipped! Women have pills, patches, shots, inserts, implants, and the list goes on. “But the point is that there isn’t free and easy access to these measures, asshole!” That’s a lie in most cases, for starters. For the price of a cup of coffee per day, you can afford the best birth control on the market. Also, not having sex is always an option! Imagine that. B) The man is considered in society to be nothing more than the deliverer of the seed. Once the seed is planted, the father has zero say on whether the woman gets an abortion or not. He has to live with the decision and is powerless to stop it. Assuming the child is born, the seed planter is ironically on the hook for the next 18 years in terms of support. So let’s not act like it’s a 50/50 shake here. Women have orders of magnitude more rights and responsibilities when it comes to bearing and raising children, so the fact that they should be acting more responsible to avoid unwanted pregnancies is axiomatic.  Plus women are the only ones capable of having children. You’d have to be stupid to believe otherwise.

abortion money

Many women cannot afford abortion, even more cannot afford to raise a child

Sure, not every woman could afford such a price tag. But that is quite literally the point. If you’re a sexually active young woman in the west and have the knowledge that, if any time you slip up and become pregnant you can simply go and terminate it for a few bucks, doesn’t that embolden you to become more risque in your behavior? Of course it does. Every statistic on the amount of sex girls are having this millennium bears that out. Though what if you know that getting pregnant wasn’t something you could easily handle, and that pregnancy meant being a mother and not a subsidized trip to Planned Parenthood? That would actually require women to exercise more personal responsibility and would require better decision making on their part. Oh, I know, that’s just out-and-out the most horribly oppressive thing imaginable. I mean, in what sort of sick patriarchal word do we live where we’d except half the population to act a little more responsibly just because they’re the half able to bear children?

The nerve of us! More like: The irony of it all! Feminists gripe and moan and complain that women have every bit the agency and intelligence of men. Okay. I’ll buy that for a dollar. Now, prove it! Make abortions a luxury item in the west. That’s not asking a lot! Make abortions something that not everyone can afford. You know what might happen then? Maybe, just maybe, irresponsible women will realize they cannot afford the $50,000 price tag, but can actually afford the $30 insert or the $12 pill. Yeah, sure, a horrible patriarchal world that creates, where all these women are victims of oppressive male domination.

Though let’s be clear here. No matter where you fall on the abortion topic, the fact is that it’s not about men, and it’s not even about women; It’s about the babies.

Chris Cornell: A Poet and a Legend

It was a very somber moment to learn today that rock legend Chris Cornell hanged himself in a Detroit hotel room shortly after a concert on Wednesday night. With the deaths years ago of Kurt Cobain (Nirvana), Shannon Hoon (Blind Melon), Layne Staley (Alice in Chains), and , just two years ago Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots),  grunge music seems to be losing more lead singers/writers than any other genre in rock.

Maybe someone smarter than myself can really dig in for some analysis here and correlate that type of youth-in-angst, borderline-depression genre of music to the unhealthy lifestyles, drug usage and early deaths of these legends. Though what I want to touch on is Chris Cornell specifically.

Chris was born on July 20, 1964, in Seattle, Washington, where he was raised by his parents and lived alongside five siblings. In the mid ’80s, he got together with a few friends from Seattle and created a small garage band that would go on to become Soundgarden. Famous for their grunge-era smash hits like Black Hole Sun and Burden in My Hand, Soundgarden’s music was actually more along the lines of Black Sabbath and heavy metal, not Nirvana and grunge. Though because the young men hailed from Seattle, they wore that label.

However, anyone who has listened to Ultramega OK, Louder Than Love or Badmotorfinger knows full well that Superunknown, the band’s mainstream 1994 release, wasn’t indicative of the band itself. It was just a new concept for the ‘Garden, in the same vein as the Beatles with Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band or Tommy from The Who. In other words, Soundgarden was a metal band, through and through, and their more grungey feel via Superunknown was the exception, not the rule.

To be clear, Cornell was far more than just the front-man for Soundgarden. After one of his friends died in Seattle, Andrew Wood, Cornell created the band Temple of the Dog as a tribute, and that group produced some huge hits like Hunger Strike and Say Hello to Heaven. After breaking from Soundgarden in the late ’90s, Cornell went on to join the band from Rage Against the Machine to form the supergroup Audioslave, who released three chart-topping albums in a span of four years. In between and after, Cornell also had solo projects, like his hit album Euphoria Morning and his work with rap producer Timbaland on 2009’s Scream. He reunited with Soundgarden in 2011 and their 2012 release King Animal featured some awesome tracks like Been Away Too Long and Non-State Actor.

Although Cornell released a new solo album in 2015, Higher Truth, he was still touring with Soundgarden and the band had planned to release a 2016 follow-up to King Animal.

So what went wrong? All reports say that Cornell was telling his audience to prepare for another great show, and that he seemed to be in good spirits. He seemed to have been enthusiastic about his touring with Soundgarden, their new album release, and their renewed popularity in the mainstream music industry.

One can only speculate what went so wrong for Chris in that one night, but as one might imagine, the deep and troubled mind capable of creating such hauntingly fantastic music is also a fragile mind that, at any moment, can snap. As I’m writing this, it’s starting to hit me that I’ll never see a new release from Cornell; I’ll never get to go watch him perform. He’s gone.

In my humble opinion, Cornell’s songwriting abilities far exceeded even Bob Dylan. Maybe it’s just my style of music, my way of thinking, but Cornell’s lyrics spoke to me like no other artist in history. “Everything’s just black or burning sun” he wrote. I see that. “Heaven, send hell away. No one sings like you anymore.” I know that. “No one knows me. No one saves me. No one loves or hates me.” I feel that.

In your morning, I will sleep;

Fire on an open palm.

Death for Jesus and plastic armies,

Wouldn’t bring me back again.

Sweet as ether eyes, I’m blind to them.

I am that.

Cornell did not write just music; his lyrics are poetry to me, fantastic literature that has just as much impact on my soul when reading dryly off a page as when listening to them with music behind them and his incredible voice bellowing out the words.

Could it be today’s political climate was too much to take? Was it the curse of Detroit? Perhaps it’s the curse of grunge singers, which seems to be worth looking into, all things considered. As stated, one can only speculate. What isn’t up for speculation, however, is just how incredible an artist Cornell was.

His music has helped me through so many hard spots in my life. I truly wish Cornell could have found for himself what I found in him to help him through that night.

Cornell wrote for his friend, Andrew Wood: “He came from an island, but he died from the street. He hurt so bad like a soul breaking, but he never said nothing to me.” What a shame Chris could not say to anyone what he once questioned not said by his friend. Tragic.

Cornell is beyond mere legend; he is a god of rock. He will be missed.

The Alt-Right’s Panic and Our LULZ at Their Idiocy

To be clear, I do not necessarily have any issue with those famous fourteen words: “We must secure the existence of our people and a future for [white children].” After all, every race is entitled to strive for its future, is it not? That is a precept of evolution by natural selection: Survive and strive. Though when in the hands of ethnostate-pushing race-based nationalists, the phrase takes on a more perverse connotation. These prejudiced peons are not after simply the preservation of their own race; it is at the direct expense of other races. Because to secure the existence of those white children, the racist segment of the alt-right movement wants to banish from its supposed lands all other races.

Why is this something at which people should laugh? Racism is not funny. But hypocrisy is. Well, more punctiliously, idiocy is. You see, for all the pseudo-wisdom loosed from the slack-jawed simpletons of the racist right, none seem to grasp the most obvious point of the entire discussion. White people are not pure. As I white man myself, whose DNA is comprised of mostly Irish and southern European Caucasoid ancestry, I feel no sense of betrayal in stating what is scientifically accurate. Whites, as we know them (Europid Caucasoid peoples), are not purebred peoples; we’re mongrels.

So when, say, Johnny Butthurt goes on his nightly spiel about hating mudsharks, disavowing whites who like rap, and needing to keep the race “pure,” I cannot help but to burst with huge belly-driven laughter at his face when he learns that white people only became white people because we mixed races. It is something they will deny to their dying breaths, but it is scientifically accurate. White people are mixed-race people. We did not spring from the ground with white skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. Sorry, Hitler, but we didn’t.

In fact, this might shock a few people, but “white” people were not actually even a thing until around 8,000 years ago. Before then, the subspecies (race) that would become Caucasoid was most likely what we see with modern Middle Easterners today: Brown, hairy and built for the sun. Though as food sources became scarcer, and nomadic tribes had to break to survive, some groups headed toward the Caucus mountains, where many consecutive generations without sun dictated that lighter skin, able to convert more vitamin D with less of a source (sunburns for all!), was evolutionary advantageous. Along the way—and they’ll love this part!—we even bred with Neanderthals, our cousins. In fact, the overwhelming majority of Caucasian people have upwards of 3% Neanderthal DNA in their genome right now, and it does not go away just because your waifu is a natty blonde.

So, put that in your pipe and smoke it, you weird bastards. Not only did pre-white humans interbreed with other races to become what we know of as white today, but also with other subspecies that were literally less than human.

Some may actually accept this information yet make the argument, basically, “Okay, but what about now? No matter how whites got here, we’re a race now and thus need to preserve our race by not interbreeding and not giving our lands up to other races!” They’d be adamant about this, of course, while still wholly ignorant to how evolution works. So let us toy with a thought experiment. Let us pretend Richard Spencer and his ilk become the bad guys from The Warriors, and no one else is allowed out to play. So, the United States of America is all white, all the time, and white people breed and breed among themselves like rabbits on an all oyster diet. Do you know what will happen? We will turn brown! In this particular part of the world, in this climate, white people will inevitably become what the racist right so affectionately refer to as “redskins.” That’s right; Native Americans! They were not that hue when they crossed the land bridge all those thousands of years ago. They evolved into that skin tone because that is our natural climate at this geographic position. So in a few hundred years, those “huwhyte” people will start to look more like Tan Mom. It is the way the world works, people.

The point of this is that races are fluid, and always have been. Unless you’re locking away DNA in a cryovac tube to repopulate the planet after the meteor hits, then it’s pretty pointless with this race preservation talk. So long as we human beings live out in the open climate, with a drive to procreate, races will merge, form and die out. It is inevitable.

What these people should focus on is the preservation of culture, of cooperative behavior, of a better society with more morality. Because—and I hate to break this to them—those are the only things that can actually be preserved. Natural selection is a universal principle; it is the mechanism by which evolution operates. It does not turn off just because some people suddenly want to arbitrarily assign a “purity” label to one race and want to keep it frozen in time. It will not freeze; it will not stay. Races are bad dogs. They roam where they want, when they want, and no amount of SJW-like poutrage will change that.

White Men Are Still The World’s Favorite Scapegoat

To any extent my archetypal written gibberish insinuates on my part a propensity for racially-charged issues, allow me to preface my latest gibberish by assuring you this has little to do with races or racial issues in comparison. It is simply that white men are the world’s favorite scapegoat for everything from a light slight to a mighty plight.

For a nanosecond, my spine tinged with a dulled impetus to begin this with, “After the most recent terrorist attack.” Forthwith I realized that, by the time such a phrase made it to print, there would have been another handful of terrorist attacks around the globe. These attacks, by and large, share two things in common:

1: They’re almost always committed by Middle Eastern Islamic radicals following a verbatim interpretation of the Quran.

2: When they are carried out by that expected perpetrator, middle-class white girls in western nations decide to point their finger not at the perpetrator but at—you guessed it—white males.

The first time I read about “toxic masculinity” being responsible for terrorist attacks was after the Truck of Peace crashed in on Nice. At that point, I understood fully that Muslims would not be blamed, and certainly not Islam at large. But a few sources I checked out refused to even refer to it as terrorism; instead, calling it “toxic masculinity.” Flabbergasted at the fatuousness of such individuals, I dug a bit deeper into this new line of deflection, and lo and behold I found it as far back as the Orlando nightclub shooting – manufacturing a device whereby the gravity of Islamic implications could be redirected to white males and third-wave feminists’ long-espoused nonsense about “toxic masculinity” being the inherent evil.

According to feminist mouthpieces (I refuse to call any of them scholars or intellectuals), toxic masculinity is a socially-constructed trope, borne of patriarchy, which pressures men into masculine roles including violence, rape, and just your everyday friendly cut-off-from-emotions sociopath. There is an entire other discussion to be had about women being responsible for raising the majority of men in the west, and then belittling and hating their own sons, but we can keep this in the range of terrorism for now. According to the bleeding hearts who cite toxic masculinity as being responsible for Muslim radicals killing innocent people, terrorism has nothing to do with Islam. That’s right. Muslims: The new “dindu nuffin” poster-children. It isn’t the pure evil and hatred of the Quran which prompts young, indoctrinated Muslims into action; it’s the pressures of patriarchy.

It pains me to say such, but the feminists would actually have a solid point, if the patriarchies to which they were referring were the patriarchies of many Islamic countries; the true patriarchies that oppress women and murder homosexuals and teach men to subjugate women. Though, to be absolutely clear, they are not even slightly brushing up against real patriarchies. They are instead speaking exclusively about the mythical patriarchies of the west, where women can dress like cat-house workers without suffering acid attacks, can be police and politicians, and can go over-extend their husbands’ credit cards at will, without even having to take a male relative with them. You know; the “patriarchy” that gives women full custody of children in divorce over eighty-percent of the time, and that ensures women receive far less punishment for committing the same crimes as men. Western patriarchy is to blame for Eastern Muslim men’s terror.

Oh, that doesn’t make sense to you? Join the club.

Just read this headline from The Independent: “It’s not Muslims or people with mental health problems who are most likely to kill you in a terrorist attack – it’s men.” So, progressive liberals—namely feminists—have finally found a way to bridge the gap between their bewildering adoration of Islam and their hatred for white men.

The commonalities they have utterly ignored:

Middle Easterners

Radicalized militants

Muslims

The commonality on which they focus:

Male

Though while the males responsible for actually murdering are anything but white, because “Islam” is a legitimate taxonomic race designation in the mind of progressives, the underlying cause they cite here just so happens to be white males, in a white male patriarchy, in white western nations.

The Independent literally took every single recent Islamic terror attack and pinned it on males. That is basically their entire explanation: Men are violent. Never mind the seven women arrested in relation to the London Bridge terrorist attack, or that a woman was one half of the terrorists who wreaked havoc in the San Bernardino terrorist attack; facts can never be allowed to disrupt a disrupting narrative. Men are to blame here, specifically white women who have created toxic environments in western nations.

Even Planned Parenthood got in on the madness in June of 2016, with their abhorrent tweet:

Does the language sound at all familiar? “Imperialist”? It’s just another way to say white western men. No matter who it is committing a crime, and no matter who ends up the victim of that crime, progressive liberals have a remarkable talent for cramming everything into their ongoing body of philosophy, a philosophy whose core tenant is that every single woman and person of color on the planet is a victim of white male patriarchy, even when those people of color kill the soap-box standers enthusiastically preaching their philosophy to the masses.

Many believe that progressives bow in deference to Islam in the hope they will be seen as a good “ally” and will be spared the destruction. Though I believe it’s a lot different than that, a lot more brutal. These progressives hate the west every bit as much as radicalized Muslims hate the west. The only difference I see between them is this: Muslims who are radicalized believe they need to martyr themselves via death to receive their rewards. Progressives who are radicalized are not willing to give up their comfort and positions by dying or going to prison. (You think Moldylocks wants to live anywhere but Thousand Oaks, in her parents’ house?)

Both are dangerous, backward, twisted ideologies. Both loathe the west and want to bring it down. Lucky for us, only one group is willing to die to enact their vision.

The truth, as it see it, is that both ideologies are unsustainable in the modern world. It has long been my contention that girls in bikinis, HD TVs, fast food and other western comforts are the only reason more Muslims do not become radicalized. Though at which point Muslims start infringing upon the lifestyles of the progressives, we will witness a change in tune. No longer will white male patriarchies be blamed for terror; terrorists will be blamed for terror, and they will fight to eradicate it.

Until the day when radical Islam gets into the gated communities, however, we just have to live with two evil ideologies in the world, both working against western civilization in tandem.

Radical Islamic terror is horrible enough. Though just imagine a world where the progressive liberals adopted the same tactics. Similar gripes; different levels of worship.

Thank goodness for small mercies.

Why We Love Faith Goldy

Since western society first bloomed, beautiful, talented women have been admired widely. Do not let the third-wave feminists fool you; we love our powerful, intelligent, independent ladies. This isn’t some barren and bankrupt village in Pakistan. This is the west; and the west, as they say, is the best. It remains the reason for our freedoms, for our top-notch medical care, and for our Faith Goldy. Without such a free and prosperous civilization, we would not have a Faith Goldy to oggle at in admiration and envy.

Ridiculously intelligent, Die Hard-level bravery, and looks that cannot be accurately described with any word in the English language, Faith Goldy is unabashedly our favorite Rebel here at Halsey News.

Though why is she so admired, not only by we fellow news plebs but by so many? Each to their own reasons; I know mine, of course; universally, though, insofar as extends the Faithful Faith fan club, she espouses honesty and courage with the sort of grace that is typically only made for TV. We appreciate it. We appreciate her.

Unpacking that a bit, firstly, she is not what one would expect. Quick thought experiment: Think of a family values devout Catholic who champions conservative principles including God and country. If you said you did not picture someone resembling Rick Perry in your mind, I will flat-out call you a liar. A twenty-something female—you’ve seen her—with that sort of moral conviction and fortitude is a black pearl, rare and beautiful.

The chainsaw-wielding Goldy is also an in-the-trenches kind of reporter. You know, the sort that are created on a sound-stage at CNN? Only Faith is legit. No green screens and wind-’em-up Cold War sirens. Not saying she had to duck from sniper fire when exiting a helicopter. But on the front lines in Jerusalem when it hits the fan? Not only is she there, but she makes sure all her social media followers are there with her. Most millennials would be taking vainglorious selfies with hashtags that are way too long and never trend.

There’s also an air of honesty wafting from Faith. One might not agree with her views or values, but if one can point out instances where she’s dishonest like mainstream media, I’ll buy them a pizza. With pineapple.

Okay, so this is a fawning piece, written by someone who’s a crazy fan of Faith’s and is tickled pink every time Rebel’s YouTube channel is a Goldy vid. I do not hide it; I cannot hide it. But I am a fan because of all the great things Faith brings to media. For me, she doesn’t need to throw a helmet on and charge once more into the stenches of Antifa for news. She is more than intelligent and articulate enough to observe and to offer a unique, inspiring take on the events. Though, to be clear, I get the distinct feeling that Faith would charge into the bowels of the beast, sans helmet! She just doesn’t have to do that.

And in a fist-fight, I got Faith Goldy over Gavin McInness. Sorry, Gav, babe, but we all saw those short-arm, flagrantly askew punches that didn’t cut as close as a disposable razor. And we know Goldy would have likely broken bone. She’s on that Ivan Drago program.

Though my favorite thing, and maybe your favorite thing, is Faith’s integrity. A fan for a couple years now, I can see a clear evolution in her talent and presentation quality, though no signs of catering to tidal changes for popularity. Faith remains firmly fixed in her values, which lets you know they’re actually her values and not just a bootleg ticket for the MAGA train. Which, in her case, would be the…. MCGA train? Not the same ring, but our Maple Leafers are in desperate need of non-cuckery up yonder. Faith for PM!

Okay, really, if I’m totally honest, my true favorite thing—not just flattering-to-say favorite thing—about Faith Goldy is two words: Deus Vult! I mean, who even has cojones that size!? Sure, some people got their knickers knotted and thought it controversial that Goldy “appeared” to be calling for a Crusade during an Islamic call to prayer in Bethlehem, but let us be honest with ourselves, if only once. The Crusades, like white flight, were reactive, not proactive. They were a response. And, arguably, they worked rather well in the end – at least for a while. So Faith wants round two. So what? Look at what many of them want to do to us! We’re not allowed to react to that? I’m thankful that Faith doesn’t hide her head in the sand of fear of the PC police. She gets at it.

As an American, many Canadians usually confuse me. They elected Justin Trudeau, for Pete’s sake. But so long as Canada can reproduce its Faith Goldys like a Chevrolet factory, I have a feeling we’re going to be okay in the end.

And we really do admire her. Genuinely.

Deus Vult!

Crowdfunding: Our Twisted Sense of Social Priorities

We all have our moments of angst and anger, and oftentimes over things that aren’t necessarily even a personal concern to us. So, be me this morning. I’m browsing around, minding my own business, and I see this GoFundMe for a girl who tragically lost her arm in an accident, and she’s trying to raise $20,000 for a prosthetic arm. At first, I was just upset that it costs so much. What are we doing, America!? We have thousands of amputees coming home from war alone who need these prosthesis and rehabilitation, not even counting the everyday citizens who unfortunately find themselves in such situations, and our answer to this is to make it a billion-dollar industry so people get rich?

I have never ridden very far on the socialized medicine bang-wagon, but there has to be a much better solution than to charge more than a new luxury car for a prosthetic limb. It is really outrageous.

My anger amplified when this girl’s story dredged up some memories for me on a personal level. A little over two years ago, my sister-in-law Codi found out she was pregnant with her second child. I was over-the-moon excited for my brother and her; finally, my nephew would have a little brother or sister! However, upon examining the baby, doctors found that she was growing a cyst in her brain, which would hinder her brain development, and the doctors predicted she would be born handicapped. Obviously and understandably devastated, Codi struggled with the decision to keep or abort the child. Reaching the decision to have the baby, she then needed money to care for any potential conditions from which the baby might suffer. So, like so many people, she created a GoFundMe page. In over five months, she raised $75 – yes, you’re reading that right; Seventy-five dollars. Meanwhile, some schmuck who crowdfunds for potato salad on Kickstarter and raises over $55,000. Yes! Fifty-five thousand dollars.

Do you see the problem?

This girl in particular, the one trying to raise the money for her prostheses, is a relative stranger to me. I do this not for noble intent. And while she is absurdly gorgeous, like insanely… off the charts, I’m also not doing this for some long-con game to know her any better. I do this wholly for selfish reasons: I want the culture to change! I honestly do. A good, deserving, humble person puts him or herself out there to seek help, and it is exceedingly hard to find it. For a legitimately good cause, that is. However, if you’re some bozo who needs potato salad or wants a Pepe-green fidget spinner, the weeaboo philanthropists come out of the woodwork, peppering their donations.

I know the girl here as Duck, that’s it. Nothing else about her. What I do know, however, is that she is putting herself out there for a genuine cause, to improve the quality of her life, not just to try a new ice cream flavor or pre-order the latest Assassin’s Creed game. And what has been the response? To date, about 1/5 of her goal. Maybe she will reach that goal; maybe this article will help. Maybe it won’t. But with this platform, I have promised myself that I will attempt to draw attention to the ass-backwards way by which we in society view crowdfunding.

Luckily for my family, Kaylee was born perfectly healthy; the brain actually grew around the cyst, which eventually disappeared altogether. She’s almost two now, cute as a button, and smart as a whip. But the scare was real, and the response was practically nonexistent.  I still joke with Codi to this day: “If only you just needed potato salad!”

Other people who need crowdfunding have issues that aren’t going to work themselves out.

Just having spoken with Duck in a roundabout way, she seems very intelligent, incredibly humorous, and is a bright spot compared to the sheer amount of idiocy to be found out there in cyberworld. Certainly not bad to look at either, but that’s more a “me” issue, seeing as I’m the poster-child for typical guys. The important thing here on which to focus is that Duck is striving to improve her plight, as we all do. And she needs a little boost in this instance. Like I said, I do not know her, but I get the distinct impression that she’s incredibly strong, fiercely independent, and would not be making a GoFundMe if not for the price-gouging going on in the prosthetic industry. So I am going to help, when I am able.

I ask that you do too!

These are the situations about which we should care, not some random bozo and his choice of bastardized Irish side-dishes. I’m not a televangelist asking people to dig deep for the power of miracles or whatever. I’m just a typical dude who cares about these situations, imploring people to screw their damn heads on straight when it comes to crowdfunding.

So if you’re one of the world’s great, noble givers, please consider giving to something worthy. For those other people, tell ’em to kick rocks and buy their own potatoes. They’re like $3 a bag, for Pete’s sake.

Let us help those who are deserving. With that, these great people turn back around and help improve our lives in numerous and immeasurable ways.

Scroll to top